1 of 34
"And above the manger, there shined a holy Lite!"
2 of 34
See Pooh Bear XXX at "The Honeypot" this Friday at 3PM.
3 of 34
Just because you can make a "Human Santapede" pun, doesn't mean you should.
4 of 34
Nothing says holiday spirit like the decaying mummified heads of Bin Laden!
5 of 34
We refuse to believe there was a hole in the Christmas decorating market that needed to be filled by a reindeer spreading its ass cheeks.
6 of 34
Apparently people in Florida circumcise their palm trees. The more you know!
7 of 34
If that's mistletoe hanging over Santa's junk, he's going to be charged with more than just indecent exposure.
8 of 34
If Alien had had a holiday special, this would have burst through John Hurt's chest at some point.
9 of 34
When Tim Burton decorates your house for Christmas.
10 of 34
Comes with change for the cab ride home after.
11 of 34
If this tree ever carries out a mass shooting, this will be the photo they show of it on the news.
12 of 34
For when your tree just doesn't have enough of that "shot guy at Chippendales" holiday charm.
13 of 34
6 Horsepower But One Of Those Horses Is A Glowing Metal Reindeer.
14 of 34
When your lawn ornaments party harder than you do.
15 of 34
"I told Dave to meet me right by the giant elf shit like 45 MINUTES AGO."
16 of 34
The decorating equivalent of liking something on Facebook.
17 of 34
And on the thirteenth day of Christmas my true love gave to meeee...
18 of 34
Who says we're taking the "Christ" out of "Christmas?"
19 of 34
The Bruno Mars Christmas ornament line, exclusive at Marshalls this holiday season.
20 of 34
You should see their 20-foot inflatable shitting Easter Bunny.
21 of 34
Someone, somewhere, has masturbated to this.
23 of 34
"Welp, looks like it's time to put dad in a home. And right before July 4th weekend, too."
24 of 34
This is the monument we made to commemorate how mom walked in on dad and "Uncle Steve" one Christmas.
25 of 34
Tragically, Santa was the first victim when the sniper struck.
26 of 34
Hey, at least they're not touching each other. That's what matters.
27 of 34
This guy literally cannot drive ONE SINGLE MILE above the speed limit.
28 of 34
"I don't give a single fucking frosted shit ornament!" is easily our new favorite phrase.
29 of 34
It might seem drastic, but the kids haven't asked for Christmas gifts since.
30 of 34
This is a fun way to have your child demonstrating trauma on a small doll by New Years.
31 of 34
"I don't get it, Santa, why are you dressed as a toilet?"
32 of 34
Sulu was fired after mixing up the "cloak" and "Italian disco" buttons for the sixth time.
33 of 34
Meth: Not even once.
