Muriel’s Wedding
This and A Fish Called Wanda are two movies everyone’s been pushing on you forever. What’s up with these annoying names? Wanda? Muriel? These women sound obnoxious, and the jumbled, multi-colored letters only confirm your suspicions.
Spirited Away
After flipping through a bunch of no-go’s, you think, “How about Spirited Away?” Cartoons aren’t normally your thing, but maybe if you smoked a bowl you could be down for this one. When you muster up the energy to search for it, you discover that Netflix just removed it. Thank god. You were dreading it anyway.
Drinking Buddies
You recognize those guys! It’s Anna Kendrick, Olivia Wilde, Nick from New Girl, and the Office Space guy. For such a star-studded cast, it didn’t get much hype, did it? Yeesh. Netflix has been pushing it pretty hard. The last movie they pushed this hard was Safety Not Guaranteed, and boy, was that a flop. Phew, close call.
Rosemary’s Baby
This horror classic is a masterpiece by Roman Polanski—who was arrested for unlawful sex with a minor. Even though you glazed over the issue before, you’ve suddenly resolved to boycott monsters like Polanski. You will not be complicit; this starts now. Shit, does this mean you can’t listen to R. Kelly anymore?
Helvetica
God, everyone was raving about this, and to be honest, it always sounded pretentious. Still, you hated being out of the loop. But now that you think about it, nobody’s mentioned it for at least a year. Is it really worth watching if you can’t bring it up at a party anymore? There’s probably something more relevant that you can bring up at a party.
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?
After years of avoiding this, now you suddenly decide to see it? Come on. There’s no way.
The Apartment
Oh my god. Yes. YES. This is exactly what you want. The clips you’ve seen on YouTube are amazing, like out of control, and it’s never been available in its entirety. Oh, wait. You’re thinking of so-good-it’s-bad The Room. The Apartment is a comedy from the 60s. Uch, nevermind.
