Heartbroken America Sees Barack Obama At Restaurant With Younger, Hotter Nation

Heartbroken America Sees Barack Obama At Restaurant With Younger, Hotter Nation

"It was really, really pretty," a despondent America recalled.
Trump Waiting To See If Next Shooter Dark Enough To Tweet About

Trump Waiting To See If Next Shooter Dark Enough To Tweet About

"Even a name can go a long way. Something with a lot of vowels smashed together is a good indicator that he should send a tweet ASAP.”
All-Female Screenings Of Wonder Woman Causes Outrage, Boners

All-Female Screenings Of Wonder Woman Causes Outrage, Boners

News of women-only screenings of Wonder Woman has left many men reeling in the aftermath, causing outrage and boners across the country.
Dad Can’t Wait To Use Father’s Day Tie You Gave Him For Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation

Dad Can’t Wait To Use Father’s Day Tie You Gave Him For Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation

The father of three received the gift with enthusiasm, as he ran his fingers over the silk and imagined it choking the life out of him.
White House Forces Sean Spicer To Wear Shock Collar During Press Briefings

White House Forces Sean Spicer To Wear Shock Collar During Press Briefings

"When I get angry or inappropriate with the press, the collar delivers 4500 volts directly to my neck. Questions?”